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My husband passed away November 1


dawn_b_adams

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I haven't been on here in about six weeks. My husband had been in a nursing home since February 2020 after having a second stroke. He had quite a few health problems, including heart disease, strokes, type II diabetes, gerd, lung problems, etc. We got through the worst of the pandemic. I was always worried that he would succumb to covid. I was very careful, seldom going out anywhere, made sure I got all my vaccines and boosters, wore a mask, etc. How ironic then that what he died from had nothing to do with covid. He had a heart attack on October 22, and the nursing home did CPR on him, got his heart going again and took him to the hospital ER. They called me that night. I called my parents to have them drive me to the hospital because I didn't think I could handle driving, much less anything else. I was a mess. In the ER, I got to see him for a few minutes, and he was conscious and somewhat alert. 

On Sunday, I visited him, and he was on a bipap. The ER doctor took me aside and told me that my husband couldn't breathe properly without the bipap. He said that the goal was to get him off the bipap, as he wouldn't be able to go back to the nursing home dependent on a bipap. Over the next couple of days, he seemed to improve. They would have him off the bipap for a few hours. He was a little more alert too. Then over the next few days he seemed to plateau. They had been trying to see if he could eat on his own. But he wasn't swallowing very well, so they inserted a feeding tube. By the following Monday, October 31, he was on the bipap, and wasn't very alert. There was a hospice NP who talked to me about what was going on. His heart was failing, with his right ventricle enlarged. Apparently it had that way for some time. I was never told this by the nursing home or anyone else up to that point. 

The NP explained to me that he would die anyway, and his heart would give out. We talked about options. I didn't want him to suffer or struggle anymore and I know he wouldn't want machines keeping him alive. So the next day, I came in. Hospice was wonderful. They took him off the bipap and feeding tube, and he was getting lorazepam and morphine through the IV. I sat with him, held his hand, and pushed a green button whenever it lit up. That kept the morphine flowing so he wouldn't struggle to breathe. I asked if the hospice chaplain could sit with me, since I didn't want to be alone. He did. After about two hours and 15 minutes, my husband took his last breath. 

We had his funeral on November 14. He was a 20 year Navy veteran, so his cremated remains were buried at a veterans cemetary. It was a beautiful ceremony. My entire family and friends of mine and my husbands were there. When they played Taps, I sobbed, and one of my best friends comforted me. I was presented the flag, and they collected the brass from the gun salute that I can put in in the folds of the flag. 

I'm such a mess and am absolutely devastated. It's been a little over a month, and I'm just trying to take things day by day. I feel like my heart has been completely broken and destroyed. My husband and I were married 30 years. He's been with me over half my life. I don't know how I will go on with my life without him, but I know I must. He would want that for me. 

I would appreciate prayers. I need all the help I can get. I am seeing a bereavement counselor, and that is helping a little. I also had a meeting with a local grief support group. With the holidays approaching, I feel so awful. I won't be putting up decorations this year. It's just too overwhelming. After weeks of paperwork, so much paperwork, I'm finally starting to get back into a new routine. But the grief is brutal at this point. I know it will be a long time before it isn't so raw. So I am embracing the grief, owning it. I don't hold back. I am really grateful and thankful for all the time I had with my husband. I'm also grateful and thankful for my family and friends who have rallied around me. They are there for the darkest days of my life. 

And there is one more minor thing that I'm trying to figure out. I know for the survey sites that I am active with, I will need to eventually change my status to widowed. I'm just not ready to do that at this point. I'm not sure I'm even going to do that at all. It's none of their business anyway. I know once I do change my status, the number of surveys available to me will go way down. I'm losing my husband's SS as I'm under 60, so money will be tight. I will perservere. I won't give up. I'm very stubborn, and that isn't gonna change. 

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Thanks @peach6. I tried to thank you with a reaction, but there must be a limit. It told me I can't add any more reactions. Thanks for the prayers. 

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I understand the void one experiences with the loss of a close one from a long illness.  I don’t think marketing panels are sophisticated enough to figure out the change of marriage status. I hate paperwork. 

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My heart breaks for you. You seem like such a kind loving person and I'm truly sorry for your loss. Grieving is a long process so I hope you have a good support system. I lost my mom last year in November to covid and it's tough. Take care of yourself and thank you for letting us into your life.

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Hello everyone. I'm new here I just registered today.

Well, I was scrolling down and I saw this sad news from Dawn about the passing of her husband, I am very sorry for your loss. My condolences hopefully the heavenly father's got him

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I am sorry for your loss Dawn.  Your husband was not very old.  I was going to suggest that you donate plasma to make some quick money, but I just noticed that you posted that you have problems finding a vein.  The census is also still hiring.  You have to go door to door though.  Hopefully you have some family members you can spend some time with over the holidays

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On 12/2/2022 at 3:36 PM, spider said:

My heart breaks for you. You seem like such a kind loving person and I'm truly sorry for your loss. Grieving is a long process so I hope you have a good support system. I lost my mom last year in November to covid and it's tough. Take care of yourself and thank you for letting us into your life.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your reply. I have a wonderful support system between my family and friends. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

i am so very very sorry and I do so feel your  pain.

Your heart-wrenching story made me feel that I must one-handedly type out my story. and yes, truth is stranger than fiction. I can not believe all i am going through and went through.

1 know you will recover and adjust to your new normal. You are in my thoughts and prayers! i send you love and hugs!!

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2 hours ago, Sandy21 said:

i am so very very sorry and I do so feel your  pain. i very unexpectedly lost my husband at a very young age due to a freak accident and hospital negligence. I was left to support 3 kids and take care of my elderly parents all by myself in a state where I really had no support.  My parents moved cross country when my dad took early retirement and he had a surgical accident a year after the move at the hand of an inept doctor. He suffered a brain injury and only functioned as a 5 year old. My mom had a terribly stressful time coping and we flew out to help her as often as possible. We  finally moved to be closer to her 5 years ago.

It was a hard transition but we adapted, got new jobs and the kids settled into school. Then 3 years ago my husband very unexpectedly passed away, took a week to go from perfect health to gone. i am not sure if one suffers more with the hell you went through or what i went through. But both are emotionally, physically, and mentally devastating and I  am in tears as i write this post.

My dad passed away two years ago and my mom pretty much died of a broken heart a year later. Six months after my husband died i was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. After surgery and radiation I continue to do well but i truly believe all the anguish and stress were responsible for my cancer.

i have barely been online at all or here on SP as i was hit by a hit and run driver while getting my mail at my mailbox on November 6th. My humerus was shattered in my left arm and i have hand and shoulder damage. i was put back together  but hospitalized until 11/22. I am still in horrible pain and I can not take pain meds, unable to do so much with only one arm and hand and will have at least 6 months of PT and OT. i hope to get full mobility back but time will tell,

i am forever grateful to neighbors for helping out as my family is all 3000 miles away. My kids, ages 11, 15, and 18, have been absolutely wonderful and are my strength. 

Your heart-wrenching story made me feel that I must one-handedly type out my story. and yes, truth is stranger than fiction. I can not believe all i am going through and went through.

1 know you will recover and adjust to your new normal. You are in my thoughts and prayers! i send you love and hugs!!

Sandy I am so sorry for everything you have been through

My prayers are with you

Sounds like you have some great kids

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3 hours ago, peach6 said:

Sandy I am so sorry for everything you have been through

My prayers are with you

Sounds like you have some great kids

Thank you for your kind words. So very much appreciated.  Yes, my kids are amazing.

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  • 1 month later...
On 12/23/2022 at 3:10 PM, Sandy21 said:

i am so very very sorry and I do so feel your  pain. i very unexpectedly lost my husband at a very young age due to a freak accident and hospital negligence. I was left to support 3 kids and take care of my elderly parents all by myself in a state where I really had no support.  My parents moved cross country when my dad took early retirement and he had a surgical accident a year after the move at the hand of an inept doctor. He suffered a brain injury and only functioned as a 5 year old. My mom had a terribly stressful time coping and we flew out to help her as often as possible. We  finally moved to be closer to her 5 years ago.

It was a hard transition but we adapted, got new jobs and the kids settled into school. Then 3 years ago my husband very unexpectedly passed away, took a week to go from perfect health to gone. i am not sure if one suffers more with the hell you went through or what i went through. But both are emotionally, physically, and mentally devastating and I  am in tears as i write this post.

My dad passed away two years ago and my mom pretty much died of a broken heart a year later. Six months after my husband died i was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. After surgery and radiation I continue to do well but i truly believe all the anguish and stress were responsible for my cancer.

i have barely been online at all or here on SP as i was hit by a hit and run driver while getting my mail at my mailbox on November 6th. My humerus was shattered in my left arm and i have hand and shoulder damage. i was put back together  but hospitalized until 11/22. I am still in horrible pain and I can not take pain meds, unable to do so much with only one arm and hand and will have at least 6 months of PT and OT. i hope to get full mobility back but time will tell,

i am forever grateful to neighbors for helping out as my family is all 3000 miles away. My kids, ages 11, 15, and 18, have been absolutely wonderful and are my strength. 

Your heart-wrenching story made me feel that I must one-handedly type out my story. and yes, truth is stranger than fiction. I can not believe all i am going through and went through.

1 know you will recover and adjust to your new normal. You are in my thoughts and prayers! i send you love and hugs!!

Sandy, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I can’t even imagine. The fact that you wrote this with only one working arm is amazing. Know that you are in my prayers. I’m so glad you have awesome kids to be by your side. Hugs.

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